I am standing at my desk trying to motivate to get to the pool over lunch to do the workout I missed on Monday. Apparently, motivation is a theme for me. I am 1.5 weeks out from my A race, so I am also pretty fatigued at this point. With two days of work travel ahead, I am fading. When you travel for work, you aren't doing just 8 hours a day, it is always longer and more taxing than that. While I love to travel, being away from home can be tough when you are already tired.
My midday motivation has prompted me to reflect more deeply on the conditions that folks need to engage in activity while at work. In my previous job, I had a standing desk that I loved. Then, in my new job, I went three months without one and boy, did it have an impact of my overall level of energy. I actually tried to construct one out of empty boxes but that wasn't that successful. I was shocked at the impact not being able to stand and work had on me. Going from standing at work to sitting all day left me feeling extremely lethargic. I had no idea how differently my body responded to standing and sitting versus just sitting. I am also in a windowless office that is very quiet, so there isn't a lot of stimulation or sunlight. The body movement required of standing, or of alternating between standing and sitting keeps me alert and a little more engaged. I know not everyone is lucky enough to have a standing desk or is able to use one given mobility differences, so finding a set up that works for you in your office is important. If you do have access to request one and can use one, I would highly recommend it.
It's interesting I think, how office culture has developed and how in many ways, it really deters folks from being active despite the rhetoric employers use to encourage active lifestyles. The pressure to be at your desk, standing or otherwise, or the time it takes to go from your office to the gym/pool/track and back again influences our decisions to be active during the work day. I am already calculating how long it will take me to drive to the pool, change, swim, change again and drive back. Likely longer than the hour I have for lunch which then necessitates me working later to address that discrepancy. Given the multiple commitments folks have, working late is not feasible and so if a workout can't fit neatly into 60 minutes, it is often shelved.
My office building doesn't have a gym, it doesn't have any outside space to spend time, and it doesn't even have a communal area for folks to gather away from their desks to eat lunch, so they just work through. There are 100s of employees in my building, all buzzing away in their own little isolated worlds. Some folks change their shoes and go for a walk, through our parking lot and onto a busy road, before they can disappear into quieter neighborhoods. It's not a conducive walking environment though. The pull to stay inside is powerful, and once in the rut it is hard to break free. There are wellness programs and encouragement to bike to work for example, but the infrastructure and flexibility isn't there to support folks doing that. It never ceases to amaze me how unwilling employers are to put the structure in place behind their words to support their employees' wellness, whatever that may be. It is as though wellness and productivity are distinct unrelated concepts. This couldn't be further from the truth in my opinion. How long will it take for organizations, public and private, to come around to this perspective? That is likely a million dollar question.
Postscript: I did motivate to go swimming, and swam for 43 minutes, but with the drive and change time, it took me 95 minutes all told. I even wore my swimsuit to work under my work clothes to minimize change time. Without a flexible supervisor or pool in your building how do you get away for that? I am not sure I will be able to do it again.
Showing posts with label triathlon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label triathlon. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
Hang On
A couple of weekends ago, I broke through a running ceiling that had been hovering over my head for years: breaking 8 minutes per mile in a half marathon. I ran a 7:57 pace overall and a personal best by 4 ½ minutes. It felt great. Well, after the race it felt great, during, not so much. This race was more of a test of my mental stamina than it was of my physical abilities. I have run 8 minute miles over and over again in training. It is a pace I can absolutely sustain, and can go faster over shorter distances. But the half marathon distance has always been a block. It is the race distance I have completed the most and I know the distance well. Yet, despite practice, knowledge, and desire, I have always ended up on the wrong side of 8 minutes for every half marathon.
Two years ago, when I ran the same half, I managed an 8:19 pace (still a PB at the time). I could’ve gone faster physically but I didn’t believe I could – a culmination of injury memory and self-doubt. My inner dialogue was a back and forth of “I can”/”I can’t,” a tug of war between two arguing siblings. In disagreements, the loudest and/or most persistent voice often wins out. I distinctly remember early on in that race, saying to myself: “I can’t sustain this pace.” My 8:19 average was perhaps a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At this most recent race, I arrived resolved. At the start line, I noted the pacer for a 1:45 half marathon and stuck closely by until the last three miles. The sibling rivalry between “I can” and “I can’t” was still present, knocking on the door, the “I can’t” vying for my undivided attention. I am stronger than I was two years ago and I knew I could’ve run faster two years ago. My mind worked harder than my legs in this race. The miles ticked by, and with them, a 10 mile PR (sub 80 minutes!) and the realization I might actually achieve my goal. With 5k to go, I stepped up the pace. The last mile was hard. It undulates comparative to the rest of the race, meaning you really have to dig deeply to get through it. There was another woman, who had also stuck diligently to the 1:45 pace group leader for 10 miles. In the last mile, she pulled slightly ahead of me but waved me forward to join her side by side. “Come on” she said, “you can do it.” At that point, I didn’t think I could do it, my resolve was crumbling. The “I can’t” was beginning to take over as the stress began to increase. I tried really hard to shut the negative messages out by repeating “you can do it, you can do it” over and over and over to myself, focusing on her encouragement and on my coach’s advice to just “hang on.” My last mile ended up being a 7:33 (my fastest mile) and the oh-so-important “point one,” was a 6:30 average. I crossed the line in 1:44:29, a massive PR and with one smashed 8 minute ceiling.
What holds us back is often the stories we tell ourselves or that our culture and environment teach us. Finding ways to push back against those narratives, and write new ones for ourselves, is central to overcoming barriers in your training (or work, life, etc.) that can habitually stall you. Some people are great at this, others less so. I think I fit into the latter category but continue to try – this most recent “win” has certainly helped. As I prepare for my “A” race this September, my fourth half-iron distance triathlon, I have to remember this as I start my run. We get to write our own stories in these moments. We get to “hang on” if we choose to do so.
Saturday, June 25, 2016
Bike to Work Day Blues
The topic of this blog post was decided Wednesday morning on Colorado's "Bike to Work Day" when a fellow rider careened into me after trying to pass a pedestrian on a blind corner.
I support people cycling. I want people to get outside, particularly in this beautiful state, instead of sitting indoors, or sitting in a car sipping on soda. Finding ways to engage in activity that works for you is important not only for your health but also for your soul. Up until this Wednesday, I was a massive supporter of Colorado's annual Bike to Work day. It's fun, there are lots of folks out and about, local bike shops set up aid stations with food and drink so you can stop along the way and grab breakfast and meet new people. It's so much fun, until it isn't.
Wednesday was not fun for me. It was downright painful. At the time I was pretty calm, probably from the shock of being hit and bleeding from the head, but now I am finding I am actually pretty angry. I am angry less because the other rider should not have tried to pass a pedestrian as he came down the slope and around the corner into the underpass, but more because he never once said he was sorry. He hung around a little after calling his wife to come get him, and mumbled some concern for me and my head but never acknowledged that it was his fault or that he should have been paying more attention.
I still find myself wanting to afford him some benefit of the doubt: he was shaken up, he had injured his hand, he wasn't thinking straight. All very possible and natural reactions to an accident. Yet, even with all that, was it that hard for him to sputter out an apology? I even gave him a band aid from my back pack. He left, before the paramedics got to me, and went with his wife to an ER. I am saddened by the complete lack of responsibility exhibited by him. Numerous people I have told about what happened, as I inevitably have to do once they see my black, blue, red and purple eye, repeat the refrain: "Bike to work day is the last day you should bike to work." Even the triage nurse asked upon my arrival at the ER "Bike to work day?" with a small chuckle. The running joke is that most of the bikers who participate in bike to work day have not ridden since the previous one and so the day is best avoided. It is perplexing to me that something that was intended to motivate folks to find alternate ways to get to work that do not put a strain on the environment and help you get healthier in the process, has such a negative reputation among cyclists and medical professionals.
I won't be biking to work for a little while until I heal and I definitely won't be biking on Bike to Work Day 2017. I know this is one incident, and this one accident causer's response may not be representative of everyone who causes an accident. I know that this shouldn't deter me from engaging in the event but it has. It has changed how I view it and has been very difficult to manage.
I stick to bike paths because I believe(d) them to be safer. I always call out "on your left" when I am passing someone and try to be a considerate and thoughtful bike commuter when I do it. But much like driving, I clearly cannot assume that everyone else has that same perspective. I therefore now see Bike to Work Day as dangerous. Encouraging that many inexperienced or aggressive cyclists out on the bike paths and roads at the same time without any real oversight is problematic. My accident was obviously not the first that occurred on this day, nor will it be the last, and there is zero accountability for the person who caused my injuries. Clearly the day has a less than rosy reputation among many and now I see why.
The other compounding piece of this worth noting, is that many of the bike paths are poorly maintained, narrow, and leave little room, if any, for cyclists to maneuver out of the way of those inexperienced or aggressive riders. The Bear Creek Trail, where my accident happened, is one such bike path. It runs all the way to Morrison, but many sections of it are extremely narrow, with broken concrete, bumps and pot holes, sharp 90 degree turns and low visibility for passing. I think you can tell which city or district you are in by how much money they have invested in maintaining the bike path. Some parts of it are wonderful, other parts, not so much.
Fixing these issues is possible and that will have a real impact on people's safety cycling to work. However, the root of my anger over this whole accident is the person's attitude. How do you fix an unapologetic accident causer and hold people accountable for their actions when there is no oversight? A cheery message about the virtues of Bike to Work Day and a free t-shirt do not erase the problems of encouraging 10 times the number of people on bike paths (and roads--don't even get me started on that) ill equipped to safely transport one cyclist.
I didn't get a t-shirt or an apology. Just a black eye, 4 stitches, a bruised leg, and a huge medical bill.
I support people cycling. I want people to get outside, particularly in this beautiful state, instead of sitting indoors, or sitting in a car sipping on soda. Finding ways to engage in activity that works for you is important not only for your health but also for your soul. Up until this Wednesday, I was a massive supporter of Colorado's annual Bike to Work day. It's fun, there are lots of folks out and about, local bike shops set up aid stations with food and drink so you can stop along the way and grab breakfast and meet new people. It's so much fun, until it isn't.
Wednesday was not fun for me. It was downright painful. At the time I was pretty calm, probably from the shock of being hit and bleeding from the head, but now I am finding I am actually pretty angry. I am angry less because the other rider should not have tried to pass a pedestrian as he came down the slope and around the corner into the underpass, but more because he never once said he was sorry. He hung around a little after calling his wife to come get him, and mumbled some concern for me and my head but never acknowledged that it was his fault or that he should have been paying more attention.
I still find myself wanting to afford him some benefit of the doubt: he was shaken up, he had injured his hand, he wasn't thinking straight. All very possible and natural reactions to an accident. Yet, even with all that, was it that hard for him to sputter out an apology? I even gave him a band aid from my back pack. He left, before the paramedics got to me, and went with his wife to an ER. I am saddened by the complete lack of responsibility exhibited by him. Numerous people I have told about what happened, as I inevitably have to do once they see my black, blue, red and purple eye, repeat the refrain: "Bike to work day is the last day you should bike to work." Even the triage nurse asked upon my arrival at the ER "Bike to work day?" with a small chuckle. The running joke is that most of the bikers who participate in bike to work day have not ridden since the previous one and so the day is best avoided. It is perplexing to me that something that was intended to motivate folks to find alternate ways to get to work that do not put a strain on the environment and help you get healthier in the process, has such a negative reputation among cyclists and medical professionals.
I won't be biking to work for a little while until I heal and I definitely won't be biking on Bike to Work Day 2017. I know this is one incident, and this one accident causer's response may not be representative of everyone who causes an accident. I know that this shouldn't deter me from engaging in the event but it has. It has changed how I view it and has been very difficult to manage.
I stick to bike paths because I believe(d) them to be safer. I always call out "on your left" when I am passing someone and try to be a considerate and thoughtful bike commuter when I do it. But much like driving, I clearly cannot assume that everyone else has that same perspective. I therefore now see Bike to Work Day as dangerous. Encouraging that many inexperienced or aggressive cyclists out on the bike paths and roads at the same time without any real oversight is problematic. My accident was obviously not the first that occurred on this day, nor will it be the last, and there is zero accountability for the person who caused my injuries. Clearly the day has a less than rosy reputation among many and now I see why.
The other compounding piece of this worth noting, is that many of the bike paths are poorly maintained, narrow, and leave little room, if any, for cyclists to maneuver out of the way of those inexperienced or aggressive riders. The Bear Creek Trail, where my accident happened, is one such bike path. It runs all the way to Morrison, but many sections of it are extremely narrow, with broken concrete, bumps and pot holes, sharp 90 degree turns and low visibility for passing. I think you can tell which city or district you are in by how much money they have invested in maintaining the bike path. Some parts of it are wonderful, other parts, not so much.
Fixing these issues is possible and that will have a real impact on people's safety cycling to work. However, the root of my anger over this whole accident is the person's attitude. How do you fix an unapologetic accident causer and hold people accountable for their actions when there is no oversight? A cheery message about the virtues of Bike to Work Day and a free t-shirt do not erase the problems of encouraging 10 times the number of people on bike paths (and roads--don't even get me started on that) ill equipped to safely transport one cyclist.
I didn't get a t-shirt or an apology. Just a black eye, 4 stitches, a bruised leg, and a huge medical bill.
Sunday, June 19, 2016
The 5am Project
Since my last blog post about the need and desire to run in the morning, I have had moderate success. It's been a little under 4 weeks and I have been working at getting up at 5am or thereabouts so that I can get all my workouts done before the work day (or really, the heat right now) drags me down. My partner, whose idea the 5am Project was, has had less success. He downloaded an alarm app that is supposed to ease him to wake up but it didn't really work that well. He just generally sleeps through it.
Our attempts are also impacted by our senior dog who nearly always needs to go outside in the middle of the night. He stands by the door and whimpers, the kind of pathetic whimper that breaks your heart. I have never been able to sleep through it. My other dog, rarely needs to pee at night but will of course get up and bounce around outside while our other dog does his business. Continuously broken sleep is not conducive to early morning exercise plans. Nor are Mondays. Early on in this process, I found myself falling asleep at work. This, was of course not the intended outcome of this plan. The blame for my daytime tiredness does not rest solely at the feet of the 5am Project. It is compounded by not having a window, fresh air, or a standing desk in my new office. All things I was used to in my previous job. I had no idea that not having those elements in the workplace would have such an impact on my energy levels. I have seen a noticeable decline in my energy levels throughout the day. Combined with the earlier than usual mornings, midday nap time began knocking loudly on my door.
However, I have persevered with my plan. Last week, as the temperatures rose, I was deeply thankful I pushed through the snooze button and got my runs done early. I completed one after an open water swim and the other two I forced myself to get up, stay up, and go out. I still have not figured out a way to get up and run immediately, and take about 60 minutes acclimation time before heading out the door. But, I am heading out the door and in the right direction. It feels good to be done for the day before 9am; I feel so accomplished. I knew I would and this is one of the primary reasons coaches and runners alike argue athletes should workout in the morning.
I don't have any profound wisdom to share from this journey so far, other than to say it has been hard. When I know I am going to get up early, I stress about getting to bed earlier, and then have trouble falling asleep, my desire to hear my alarm clock infiltrates my dreams as anxiety. I infrequently sleep through an alarm, so there is rationally no reason to think I would start to do so now, yet the fear is there and I let it win sometimes. When it wins, my nights are fragmented dream/wake states that leave me feeling groggy and un-rested when the sun comes up. I know, or at least hope, I will find my rhythm and over time will adjust. I encourage you to try this too. I know it can be done by folks who have kids and folks who do not. I have read enough success stories to know that people with wide and varying commitments can pull this off. It is just a case of being thoughtful and efficient with the time you have and making choices that support the lifestyle change. Alarms, dogs, heat and any number of things can derail your plans. They may even appear to be conspiring against you, as though your inner night owl is throwing road block after road block your way in defiance of your new early night, early to rise routine. The key is not to let the set backs derail all plans, present and future. One poor night's sleep should not lead us each to the conclusion that morning running or exercise isn't worth the effort. When faced with a 6am 60 degree run vs a 6pm 90 degree run, I think the choice is pretty clear.
Our attempts are also impacted by our senior dog who nearly always needs to go outside in the middle of the night. He stands by the door and whimpers, the kind of pathetic whimper that breaks your heart. I have never been able to sleep through it. My other dog, rarely needs to pee at night but will of course get up and bounce around outside while our other dog does his business. Continuously broken sleep is not conducive to early morning exercise plans. Nor are Mondays. Early on in this process, I found myself falling asleep at work. This, was of course not the intended outcome of this plan. The blame for my daytime tiredness does not rest solely at the feet of the 5am Project. It is compounded by not having a window, fresh air, or a standing desk in my new office. All things I was used to in my previous job. I had no idea that not having those elements in the workplace would have such an impact on my energy levels. I have seen a noticeable decline in my energy levels throughout the day. Combined with the earlier than usual mornings, midday nap time began knocking loudly on my door.
However, I have persevered with my plan. Last week, as the temperatures rose, I was deeply thankful I pushed through the snooze button and got my runs done early. I completed one after an open water swim and the other two I forced myself to get up, stay up, and go out. I still have not figured out a way to get up and run immediately, and take about 60 minutes acclimation time before heading out the door. But, I am heading out the door and in the right direction. It feels good to be done for the day before 9am; I feel so accomplished. I knew I would and this is one of the primary reasons coaches and runners alike argue athletes should workout in the morning.
I don't have any profound wisdom to share from this journey so far, other than to say it has been hard. When I know I am going to get up early, I stress about getting to bed earlier, and then have trouble falling asleep, my desire to hear my alarm clock infiltrates my dreams as anxiety. I infrequently sleep through an alarm, so there is rationally no reason to think I would start to do so now, yet the fear is there and I let it win sometimes. When it wins, my nights are fragmented dream/wake states that leave me feeling groggy and un-rested when the sun comes up. I know, or at least hope, I will find my rhythm and over time will adjust. I encourage you to try this too. I know it can be done by folks who have kids and folks who do not. I have read enough success stories to know that people with wide and varying commitments can pull this off. It is just a case of being thoughtful and efficient with the time you have and making choices that support the lifestyle change. Alarms, dogs, heat and any number of things can derail your plans. They may even appear to be conspiring against you, as though your inner night owl is throwing road block after road block your way in defiance of your new early night, early to rise routine. The key is not to let the set backs derail all plans, present and future. One poor night's sleep should not lead us each to the conclusion that morning running or exercise isn't worth the effort. When faced with a 6am 60 degree run vs a 6pm 90 degree run, I think the choice is pretty clear.
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Morning Running
For the longest time, I have wanted to be a morning person. More specifically, I have wanted to be a morning runner. I absolutely see the benefits of running in the morning:
1. You get your run done, and so as you fatigue from working all day, the workout isn't hanging over your head, glaring at you from its perch at 5pm.
2. It sets you up for the day. Running in the morning feels good. You accomplish something before 8am and it can put a pep in your step for the rest of the day.
3. Depending on where you run, it is beautiful - particularly if you see the sunrise.
4. It is cooler. This is very relevant right now as we edge into the summer months in Colorado.
And yet, despite these wonderfully compelling benefits, I have yet to maintain any kind of morning rhythm with running. I can get up early to swim and I have managed it with cycling, if I head downstairs to ride on my trainer indoors or if I am cycling to work. In both cases, I feel good, sometimes even great, after achieving an athletic goal that early. I know I will feel the same way with running as on the rare occasions I have run before work, I have felt awesome and accomplished.
I am not a "just get up and run" kind of runner. I need to eat something, and running 8 miles on coffee alone does not cut it. If I need to eat something, then I need to give myself time to digest said food before heading out for my run. That's at least 45 mins that I need before heading out the door, by which time I can usually convince myself to stay in bed. Then there is the stiffness I feel in the morning, and shaking that out into some kind of rhythm takes a fair number of miles. This adds more time to the run, which inevitably I never have because I snoozed too many times. And so I persuade myself that I won't have time anyway, and I might as well just stay in bed. You can see the cycle of excuses and justifications I can give for why morning runs don't work for me (unless it's a race, and then miraculously I can manage it).
In an effort to curb my morning snooze routine and the "I'll just do it later" voice in my head, I have read numerous articles from running gurus to personal blogs about tips to get up and out the door early. I have tried:
- laying my running clothes out at night
- getting my breakfast out and ready to reduce prep time
- determining a route the night before
- setting the alarm 15 minutes earlier so that I have time to snooze
- going to bed earlier
- gradually setting my alarm clock 5 minutes earlier over a period of several days so that I gently and incrementally get to the time I need
Yeah, even with these efforts, I have had minimal success. So what am I missing? I don't agree that some folks just aren't morning people, because I think it is all about shifting your lifestyle and making different choices over time (caveat: sleep disorders and other physical issues will factor in to one's capacity to rise early). I have clearly demonstrated I can get my butt out of bed for other forms of exercise and to race, and when I go to bed early, I am getting a good 7-8 hours of sleep. I am thinking it really is about my attitude and mental fortitude and perhaps, a socially constructed dislike of mornings. What did mornings ever do to me?
Since tenacity is something I have been told I possess, I am going to try this whole morning running again, this time with feeling. And to reference my previous blog post, I am going to try and act "as if" I am a morning runner. I don't run every day but I do something most days, and I am going to endeavor to get all workouts done before 8am in the next month and report back in July as to how it went and what I learned. I will call it the "5am Project" and David, my partner in running and life is going to do it with me (actually it was his idea). Misery loves company, right? Although, this is going to be great, not miserable. Absolutely great! Positive attitude. Check. Got it. #icandothis...?
Wish us luck!
1. You get your run done, and so as you fatigue from working all day, the workout isn't hanging over your head, glaring at you from its perch at 5pm.
2. It sets you up for the day. Running in the morning feels good. You accomplish something before 8am and it can put a pep in your step for the rest of the day.
3. Depending on where you run, it is beautiful - particularly if you see the sunrise.
4. It is cooler. This is very relevant right now as we edge into the summer months in Colorado.
And yet, despite these wonderfully compelling benefits, I have yet to maintain any kind of morning rhythm with running. I can get up early to swim and I have managed it with cycling, if I head downstairs to ride on my trainer indoors or if I am cycling to work. In both cases, I feel good, sometimes even great, after achieving an athletic goal that early. I know I will feel the same way with running as on the rare occasions I have run before work, I have felt awesome and accomplished.
I am not a "just get up and run" kind of runner. I need to eat something, and running 8 miles on coffee alone does not cut it. If I need to eat something, then I need to give myself time to digest said food before heading out for my run. That's at least 45 mins that I need before heading out the door, by which time I can usually convince myself to stay in bed. Then there is the stiffness I feel in the morning, and shaking that out into some kind of rhythm takes a fair number of miles. This adds more time to the run, which inevitably I never have because I snoozed too many times. And so I persuade myself that I won't have time anyway, and I might as well just stay in bed. You can see the cycle of excuses and justifications I can give for why morning runs don't work for me (unless it's a race, and then miraculously I can manage it).
In an effort to curb my morning snooze routine and the "I'll just do it later" voice in my head, I have read numerous articles from running gurus to personal blogs about tips to get up and out the door early. I have tried:
- laying my running clothes out at night
- getting my breakfast out and ready to reduce prep time
- determining a route the night before
- setting the alarm 15 minutes earlier so that I have time to snooze
- going to bed earlier
- gradually setting my alarm clock 5 minutes earlier over a period of several days so that I gently and incrementally get to the time I need
Yeah, even with these efforts, I have had minimal success. So what am I missing? I don't agree that some folks just aren't morning people, because I think it is all about shifting your lifestyle and making different choices over time (caveat: sleep disorders and other physical issues will factor in to one's capacity to rise early). I have clearly demonstrated I can get my butt out of bed for other forms of exercise and to race, and when I go to bed early, I am getting a good 7-8 hours of sleep. I am thinking it really is about my attitude and mental fortitude and perhaps, a socially constructed dislike of mornings. What did mornings ever do to me?
Since tenacity is something I have been told I possess, I am going to try this whole morning running again, this time with feeling. And to reference my previous blog post, I am going to try and act "as if" I am a morning runner. I don't run every day but I do something most days, and I am going to endeavor to get all workouts done before 8am in the next month and report back in July as to how it went and what I learned. I will call it the "5am Project" and David, my partner in running and life is going to do it with me (actually it was his idea). Misery loves company, right? Although, this is going to be great, not miserable. Absolutely great! Positive attitude. Check. Got it. #icandothis...?
Wish us luck!
Sunday, May 8, 2016
As If...
I just read an article in The Guardian about the need for us to stop looking for ourselves. Specifically, that we should spend less time trying to find ourselves and more time aiming to behave and engage with the "as if." The article argued that our incessant need to find ourselves is ultimately self-centered and simply keeps us stuck in one place. If we try to find ourselves, what we may find is ultimately fleeting, intermittent, and "real" only inasmuch as the self we find exists in that moment. There are so many products marketed around this need for us to find ourselves - retreats, books, meditation sessions - that it is easy to fall into step with the rhetoric. I need to know who I am, and there is always someone ready to charge me to assist me on my journey.
Capitalism and financial exploitation of our lost selves aside, I found The Guardian article thought provoking. The "as if" trajectory the authors discussed is intriguing. Basically, as I understood it, we should work to look forward, versus within, and engage with the world through an "as if I were ______" mentality or ritual. This perspective helps us transform into perhaps what we would like to be, or perhaps uncovers who we really are without looking internally for it. The example in the article was that of hide and seek with a child. In that game, the adult often pretends to be inept at hiding as a means to make it easy for the child to find them. The adult in this example is behaving as if they are fallible so the child can be triumphant, an experience children rarely have. Both adult and child know it's a game, but "by taking on these roles, you have both broken from your usual patterns." (Puett & Gross-Loh, Stop Trying to Find Yourself, pub'd 5/8/16).
It is in the pretend, in the untruth, that you are able to break any negative patterns you have developed. We can work to change those patterns "as if" things were different in that moment. I don't interpret their argument to mean that we should lie to ourselves daily, or ignore struggles we are having in the moment, but rather, we should not focus on finding ourselves internally as a means to break our negative patterns. We should look beyond ourselves and perform, pretend, behave as if we were something else. In so doing, we open up opportunities for discovery and transformation, for change, that cannot be achieved by looking inward. I really like what they said, drawing on Chinese philosophers some 2000 years ago:
"Consider the self the way that they did: there is no true self and no self you can discover in the abstract by looking within. Such a self would be little more than a snapshot of you at that particular moment in time. We are messy, multifaceted selves who go through life bumping up against other messy, multifaceted selves. Who we are at any given moment develops through our constantly shifting interactions with other people" (Puett & Gross-Loh, Stop Trying to Find Yourself, pub'd 5/8/16).
Judith Butler, a philosopher, feminist, and queer theorist to name just a few, has written extensively on the concept of performativity as it relates to gender. She argues that gender is constantly reinforced through our daily iterations and performances of it. Performativity is not the same as performance. Gender is not something we "put on" or "act" out in the sense of the theater. It is iterative and we all engage daily in rituals and behaviors that create, re-create, and propel the construction of gender forward making it seem or feel natural and "real." It is complicated to say the least. I bring it up because thinking about behaving as if something else were real as a means to break unhealthy or negative patterns reminds me of it. While gender performativity isn't about breaking a pattern, but rather creating and reinforcing one, in the context of engaging in as if rituals (we are happy instead of sad, or calm instead of angry), we can transform ourselves and move into that state of being. The connection I make here is messy and definitely imperfect, but I think it speaks to the fluidity of our identities and reinforces how looking within does not hold all the answers marketers and our social mileu would have us believe. We must overcome the self to be able to move away from any negative conceptions of manifestations of the self. The self then, is performative, and we can re-create it (or the negative patterns that haunt us), through the repetition of as if rituals. By entering "an alternate reality in which we draw on different sides of ourselves...each time we do so we come back slightly changed" (Puett & Gross-Loh, Stop Trying to Find Yourself, pub'd 5/8/16).
To read the full article, visit: http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/may/08/stop-trying-to-find-yourself
Capitalism and financial exploitation of our lost selves aside, I found The Guardian article thought provoking. The "as if" trajectory the authors discussed is intriguing. Basically, as I understood it, we should work to look forward, versus within, and engage with the world through an "as if I were ______" mentality or ritual. This perspective helps us transform into perhaps what we would like to be, or perhaps uncovers who we really are without looking internally for it. The example in the article was that of hide and seek with a child. In that game, the adult often pretends to be inept at hiding as a means to make it easy for the child to find them. The adult in this example is behaving as if they are fallible so the child can be triumphant, an experience children rarely have. Both adult and child know it's a game, but "by taking on these roles, you have both broken from your usual patterns." (Puett & Gross-Loh, Stop Trying to Find Yourself, pub'd 5/8/16).
It is in the pretend, in the untruth, that you are able to break any negative patterns you have developed. We can work to change those patterns "as if" things were different in that moment. I don't interpret their argument to mean that we should lie to ourselves daily, or ignore struggles we are having in the moment, but rather, we should not focus on finding ourselves internally as a means to break our negative patterns. We should look beyond ourselves and perform, pretend, behave as if we were something else. In so doing, we open up opportunities for discovery and transformation, for change, that cannot be achieved by looking inward. I really like what they said, drawing on Chinese philosophers some 2000 years ago:
"Consider the self the way that they did: there is no true self and no self you can discover in the abstract by looking within. Such a self would be little more than a snapshot of you at that particular moment in time. We are messy, multifaceted selves who go through life bumping up against other messy, multifaceted selves. Who we are at any given moment develops through our constantly shifting interactions with other people" (Puett & Gross-Loh, Stop Trying to Find Yourself, pub'd 5/8/16).
Judith Butler, a philosopher, feminist, and queer theorist to name just a few, has written extensively on the concept of performativity as it relates to gender. She argues that gender is constantly reinforced through our daily iterations and performances of it. Performativity is not the same as performance. Gender is not something we "put on" or "act" out in the sense of the theater. It is iterative and we all engage daily in rituals and behaviors that create, re-create, and propel the construction of gender forward making it seem or feel natural and "real." It is complicated to say the least. I bring it up because thinking about behaving as if something else were real as a means to break unhealthy or negative patterns reminds me of it. While gender performativity isn't about breaking a pattern, but rather creating and reinforcing one, in the context of engaging in as if rituals (we are happy instead of sad, or calm instead of angry), we can transform ourselves and move into that state of being. The connection I make here is messy and definitely imperfect, but I think it speaks to the fluidity of our identities and reinforces how looking within does not hold all the answers marketers and our social mileu would have us believe. We must overcome the self to be able to move away from any negative conceptions of manifestations of the self. The self then, is performative, and we can re-create it (or the negative patterns that haunt us), through the repetition of as if rituals. By entering "an alternate reality in which we draw on different sides of ourselves...each time we do so we come back slightly changed" (Puett & Gross-Loh, Stop Trying to Find Yourself, pub'd 5/8/16).
To read the full article, visit: http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/may/08/stop-trying-to-find-yourself
Saturday, March 19, 2016
Effort Aversion: Comfort, Boredom and Change
On the eve of my first half marathon of the season, I am keeping off my feet and trying to relax as much as possible in preparation for my effort tomorrow morning. I want to try and maintain an 8 minute pace but the effort involved in doing so does not excite me. Nevertheless, I will likely try and see what happens. I have a tendency mid-way through races to give in to the discomfort and decide the effort and result is not worth the pain, even though the pain is transitory. I am working on this mental flaw.
As I have shared before, I love the NPR show Hidden Brain, and the most recent podcast that I listened to was about boredom. I listened to this podcast while running 4 miles on a treadmill after a snow storm sent me inside. As my feet thumped rhythmically on the human conveyer belt, the monotony of the treadmill got to me within about a minute and I turned on my podcasts. The treadmill, lovingly nicknamed the "dreadmill" by runners, is a site of boredom for me and I suspect many others. I have never understood why runners at any level would choose to run on a treadmill inside when they could go outside. However, this podcast gave me some new insight.
The concept of "effort aversion" explained in the podcast applies here. Our aversion to effort, makes us often choose boring things - jobs, tasks, activities - because we perceive them to be easier even though they are by and large, less fun. The treadmill in many ways involves less effort than running outside overall, especially if it's snowing. If I want to go for a run to reap the physical rewards of exercise, how can I do that with the least amount of effort? The gym is easy. I don't have to map a route, the temperature is constant, my nose hairs don't freeze, and I don't have to deal with wind or hills. I can also stop and use the bathroom without risking arrest for indecent exposure. I am sure the list goes on. The amount of perceived effort involved in running outside outweighs the boredom I might experience by staring at a wall while running on a treadmill. This can also be applied to folks who have the ability to walk to close by locations such as a neighbor's house or a local store, and choose to drive. Driving involves less (perceived) effort.
Effort aversion, the podcast shares, is why many people get stuck in boring jobs for years, where complacency sets in and you no longer seek change, professional development, or innovation. Even though boredom for many is unbearable, the idea of putting in additional effort for the same amount of pay is less desirable. Why work harder when I don't have to? Even if we are mildly to moderately unhappy in our current job, the effort involved in a job search is a deterrent to trying something new. We tell ourselves that if we can stay doing the same thing that is low risk and doesn't involve much effort, at a salary we can manage, why change? The effort involved in changing the status quo is not desirable, even though we are not super jazzed about the work and not very challenged. Comfort, the enemy of organizational change and creativity, is linked with "effort aversion" and works to keep us in the same place.
As my coaching training has taught me, if all you do is run 8 minute miles, then you will get very good at running 8 minute miles. You become comfortable at that pace, and the effort involved to improve may not feel worth it. The initial effort curve to get to the 8 minute mile might be tough, like when you start a new job. It can feel challenging and overwhelming as you learn the role but then after enough practice you settle in and your effort to get the job done decreases significantly. Once you are comfortable, it's like you have settled into your favorite sofa, and quite honestly, why change that? Your job/8 minute mile works just fine for you. Sort of. The memory of the previously exerted effort to learn your job or race at that pace is enough to keep you from exerting effort again to get you to the next step.
I don't like to be bored, and yet I definitely run up against this concept of "effort aversion" in my running, triathloning, and work where I will sometimes take boring over effort. Yet, we also go to great lengths to avoid being bored too. It's such an odd phenomenon. Case in point: A study featured in this Hidden Brain podcast involved folks being locked in a room with nothing but their thoughts for 15 minutes. However, they were also given the opportunity to shock themselves rather than just sit there. Of the participants, about 1/4 of women and over 2/3 of men chose to shock themselves rather than just sit and do nothing. We choose to do bizarre things in the face of boredom yet when our jobs are boring or uninspiring, the effort involved with changing the status quo shuts us down. Or when we want to get to the next level athletically we let mental effort aversion hold us back even if we are getting bored with our same training routine and paces. Why this inconsistency?
I don't have an answer to fix this but I do know that "effort aversion" is detrimental to us individually and for our organizations. We have to harness the desire to avoid boredom (sans electric shocks of course) to move out of our comfort zone and out of complacency. Thinking about the why can be helpful: Why is boredom or status quo more acceptable than change in our professional and personal lives? If we manage an organization, is having a team of long term staff who just kick the can down the road the most effective set up for the future of the organization? If we are bored with our training regime, why is the effort involved in changing it too much? If we want to get faster in our running, swimming, and biking, how can we reconcile the fact that to do so requires more effort even when our sofa's invitation is quite compelling? More effort can equal fun even if the "pay" is the same, we just have to be willing to try.
As an aside, Runner's World just posted on Facebook as I was writing this blog an article called "This is what effort looks like." It features a 63 year old Irish runner at the IAAF World Indoor Championships in Portland, Oregon finishing the 800 meters who pulled out everything to finish. Effort doesn't of course have to look exactly like this, but the reward for him, and for us, can be well worth it.
Listen to the Hidden Brain podcast on Boredom from March 15, 2016
As I have shared before, I love the NPR show Hidden Brain, and the most recent podcast that I listened to was about boredom. I listened to this podcast while running 4 miles on a treadmill after a snow storm sent me inside. As my feet thumped rhythmically on the human conveyer belt, the monotony of the treadmill got to me within about a minute and I turned on my podcasts. The treadmill, lovingly nicknamed the "dreadmill" by runners, is a site of boredom for me and I suspect many others. I have never understood why runners at any level would choose to run on a treadmill inside when they could go outside. However, this podcast gave me some new insight.
The concept of "effort aversion" explained in the podcast applies here. Our aversion to effort, makes us often choose boring things - jobs, tasks, activities - because we perceive them to be easier even though they are by and large, less fun. The treadmill in many ways involves less effort than running outside overall, especially if it's snowing. If I want to go for a run to reap the physical rewards of exercise, how can I do that with the least amount of effort? The gym is easy. I don't have to map a route, the temperature is constant, my nose hairs don't freeze, and I don't have to deal with wind or hills. I can also stop and use the bathroom without risking arrest for indecent exposure. I am sure the list goes on. The amount of perceived effort involved in running outside outweighs the boredom I might experience by staring at a wall while running on a treadmill. This can also be applied to folks who have the ability to walk to close by locations such as a neighbor's house or a local store, and choose to drive. Driving involves less (perceived) effort.
Effort aversion, the podcast shares, is why many people get stuck in boring jobs for years, where complacency sets in and you no longer seek change, professional development, or innovation. Even though boredom for many is unbearable, the idea of putting in additional effort for the same amount of pay is less desirable. Why work harder when I don't have to? Even if we are mildly to moderately unhappy in our current job, the effort involved in a job search is a deterrent to trying something new. We tell ourselves that if we can stay doing the same thing that is low risk and doesn't involve much effort, at a salary we can manage, why change? The effort involved in changing the status quo is not desirable, even though we are not super jazzed about the work and not very challenged. Comfort, the enemy of organizational change and creativity, is linked with "effort aversion" and works to keep us in the same place.
As my coaching training has taught me, if all you do is run 8 minute miles, then you will get very good at running 8 minute miles. You become comfortable at that pace, and the effort involved to improve may not feel worth it. The initial effort curve to get to the 8 minute mile might be tough, like when you start a new job. It can feel challenging and overwhelming as you learn the role but then after enough practice you settle in and your effort to get the job done decreases significantly. Once you are comfortable, it's like you have settled into your favorite sofa, and quite honestly, why change that? Your job/8 minute mile works just fine for you. Sort of. The memory of the previously exerted effort to learn your job or race at that pace is enough to keep you from exerting effort again to get you to the next step.
I don't like to be bored, and yet I definitely run up against this concept of "effort aversion" in my running, triathloning, and work where I will sometimes take boring over effort. Yet, we also go to great lengths to avoid being bored too. It's such an odd phenomenon. Case in point: A study featured in this Hidden Brain podcast involved folks being locked in a room with nothing but their thoughts for 15 minutes. However, they were also given the opportunity to shock themselves rather than just sit there. Of the participants, about 1/4 of women and over 2/3 of men chose to shock themselves rather than just sit and do nothing. We choose to do bizarre things in the face of boredom yet when our jobs are boring or uninspiring, the effort involved with changing the status quo shuts us down. Or when we want to get to the next level athletically we let mental effort aversion hold us back even if we are getting bored with our same training routine and paces. Why this inconsistency?
I don't have an answer to fix this but I do know that "effort aversion" is detrimental to us individually and for our organizations. We have to harness the desire to avoid boredom (sans electric shocks of course) to move out of our comfort zone and out of complacency. Thinking about the why can be helpful: Why is boredom or status quo more acceptable than change in our professional and personal lives? If we manage an organization, is having a team of long term staff who just kick the can down the road the most effective set up for the future of the organization? If we are bored with our training regime, why is the effort involved in changing it too much? If we want to get faster in our running, swimming, and biking, how can we reconcile the fact that to do so requires more effort even when our sofa's invitation is quite compelling? More effort can equal fun even if the "pay" is the same, we just have to be willing to try.
As an aside, Runner's World just posted on Facebook as I was writing this blog an article called "This is what effort looks like." It features a 63 year old Irish runner at the IAAF World Indoor Championships in Portland, Oregon finishing the 800 meters who pulled out everything to finish. Effort doesn't of course have to look exactly like this, but the reward for him, and for us, can be well worth it.
Listen to the Hidden Brain podcast on Boredom from March 15, 2016
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